One thing I can thank my day job for is skill in dealing with “real-world” situations. We are basically predators so, often, interactions that do not involve friends we are comfortable are merely acts of posturing. The rules are: don’t apologize, don’t be completely honest, and, whatever you do, absolutely do not be vulnerable. It sucks…and this is not going to be one of those times for me.
While I’ve mostly given up my habitual need to apologize, I do crave honesty and vulnerability. These are part of the writer’s arsenal. Even in creating the truly fantastic, there is complete honesty. These stories contain our fantasies and, often, our closely held desires. Right now I’m just going to be honest: no fantasy involved.
I hate asking for help. If I don’t receive it then I’m pretty sure people hate me and think I’m nothing more than a leech. If I do receive it than I’m pretty sure (see the previous sentence), or they want something from me that’s awful and will later use this to their advantage because I’ve definitely fallen for the guilt trip before. I realize, rationally, this is rarely true, but I have to deal with anxiety so…brain often does it’s own thing. Sometimes you gotta be scared and do it anyway.
Above is a link to my GoFundMe page. I’m a multi-pronged planner. I am going to continue the search for an agent today, and find more places to submit my manuscript, but I’m also going to try to do this on my own. Did you know there is some chick who makes a living selling stories about fucking T-Rex (please note that ‘fucking’ is being used as a verb not an adjective here)?! It costs to do it on your own though, which leads me to do this scary thing and ask for help. If you feel like it…awesome! If not…that’s cool too.
Thank you for reading.