That’s Just Paint

I was walking through the renfair campgrounds in nothing but a tutu, fishnet stockings and pirate boots. Let’s start with: there’s a situation I never really thought I’d be in. I’m proud to say alcohol was not involved. 

So there I was in my little outfit. I will now add I had a simple paint job, including glitter and jewels, across my boobs. On the way back to camp some chick stopped me with “oh my god that’s just paint”. She then proceeded to caller friends back to gawk. Drunk? She didn’t seem it. Seriously she was a girl. I’m sure she’d seen boobs before. 

At some point she realized she was being an ass and said she found me impressive. Ok…I guess. It will be a story that makes me giggle until I die though. Not only does her odd reaction make me laugh, but I get to look back and say “yeah…I did that.”


Bad B-Move Title (Serial Updated on Wednesday…Maybe)

I wanted to name this little project of mine “I Was a Teenage Zombie”, but that name is taken even if no one alive, but me knows that now. I loved every guilty minute of that movie.

Man I wish I could be watching some stupid B-Movie right now, but no, I’m creeping through what was once a mall with trees growing in it. I mean, I guess, the trees were growing there when it was still a functioning mall, but now they’ve just made it home without people to control them. Nature works quicker than I thought it would.

Oh, and I’m with this total asshole, and it’s stupid quiet.

People had no idea just how loud the world was. It’s been ten years since everything changed, and I still can’t get over it. Still, there should be something here, I mean nature still exists, and I hear absolutely nothing. Trust me, if there was something I could hear it. I decide to stop asshole from going any further because I don’t want to explain how a blind 16-year-old girl made it back, but the asshole did not. Why is the blind 16 year old even out here, and how does she know there are trees? Bad B-movie right?

His elbow is warm and rough. I can even detect the almost imperceptible rush of blood through capillaries just under the skin. Touching people is so weird. He gets the message and the slow thud of footfalls breaking the silence stops, and it’s time to just…

“That’s so creepy.” The whisper was so low most people would not have heard it.

Great! Asshole! See? I can’t even glare and roll my eyes because I’m wearing stupid sunglasses. Besides, I doubt I look intimidating. But I apparently look creepy. Whatever, asshole.

A finger to my lips seems to quell any further disturbances, and I can hear the shock in his demeanor that I heard which gives me a little pleasure, and it’s back to listening. His breath. Our heartbeats. There is no air movement because of the walls, and it’s summer now. The ceiling collapsed at some point, and the sun floods the place making the air thick. I can feel it on my face like being licked by a sloth: slow, hot and wet. It’s stifling everything and making sound weird, but there is definitely something off. The fact that I can’t hear anything else immediately is good. The monsters are few in number standing somewhere in the distance. They may be wax sculptures just waiting…listening…and not melting like we are right now. That’s what they do. They have no reason to do much else unless it’s to bite, and they do with speed that belies their form.

Asshole picked up on what I was doing. His steady heartbeat kicked up a notch, but there is still nothing matching the hummingbird pace of my heart. I looked in asshole’s general direction and shook my head. I would say I’d gone pale but I was always pale. At least that’s what I remember: shockingly red hair and pale freckled skin. This was a bad deal. It was always a bad deal. Wherever people once frequented was a bad deal, because that meant people died there. I don’t care if the drones said different.

“Goddammit!” He didn’t yell but it was loud enough.

“Shut up!” I hissed, and my head snapped in the direction of a muted crash. It was the second floor. I wondered how steady the escalators were. “We need to go.”

“Look, Stick, we need things. I thought you and your super hearing could avoid those things.”

Stick was an asshole. Why couldn’t I get super pyrokinesis and set this asshole on fire?

“Suit yourself. There are too many assholes at camp anyway.” I was smiling and he was trying to figure out what, or maybe who, he was going to shoot.  More bad choices.

There was one. I could hear it crashing through debris. It would not be able to navigate the terrain easily, and maybe the escalators would crater. It couldn’t see and it wasn’t exactly smart. Still, these things were like insects. Where there was one, there was more, and they activated and followed like ants on a chem trail.

Please kill this asshole.

I’m not sure who I was asking, but I didn’t have time to finish that thought. It took everything I had not to curl up in a ball when that howl skittered through what was left of the mall. It was something I felt, maybe more than anyone else that still had the sense to be scared of it, to my core. It was like someone just hit ten notes on Satan’s electric organ at the same time with the sound turned all the way up so the speakers cracked. I often wonder what sentient evil humans pissed off to bring this shit down on us.

Asshole didn’t even bother waiting for me. Didn’t matter. Aren’t you supposed to describe the characters in your story? No. No reason to bother when they are not going to be around long. Right now I’m wondering if that sentient evil likes me…at least a little. Is that so bad?

I turned and walked slowly out of the mall to the tune of human screams. Looks like I have some ‘splaining to do.