You Can’t Pay For Me

You can pay for my services

My art

My skill

You can pay for my time

My voice

My words

You can pay for a world of things I can do, but

I’m a fucking person and I’m not for sale!

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Dark Places

I find myself in dark places

Open worlds and cramped spaces

Fear and lust and sorrow

Dread and hope tomorrow

I search in other faces

I try to walk in their paces

But I lose myself in their lyric

Their ivory towers vampiric

Worshipping painted idols

I see slaves proud of their bridles

I know that I cannot be found

In the grooves of well-traveled ground

To wander is truly the cost

When looking for things that are lost

And in the light I find only traces

But I find myself in dark places

Talking to the Stars

Among the lights where I reside
He grasped the universe within my eyes
The brightness drew him to my side
But in the darkness he saw lies
Fascinated by my wrappings
They only prefaced our descent
Somehow he found me lacking
But he failed to see what I present
There’s always blackness between the stars
There’s always shadow in the day
So much more hides in the dark
But that is where he lost his way
He wasn’t meant to walk with me
And on my own I’ve done so well
It’s not an easy thing you see
And still I find on this I dwell
You’d think with worlds inside of you
It might be easy to be alone
With nothing outside to see me through
I fear at times I’ll come undone
Looking up to my reflection
I’ll ask the bodies time can’t reach
For one proficient in my affection
To navigate this stellar breach
And wonder if the stars are lonely
With so much emptiness around
But I can ever wonder only
While I seem tethered to the ground
Watch me softly heavenly forms
As I grapple with these scars
Finding words outside the norms
My conversations with the stars

No Matter

No Matter

Now and then I want to be

In another person’s head

To see if they live like me

Half alive and half undead

Decisions made by council?

Or do they simply know

A word that rhymes with council?

Oh, I lost my train of thought

Have they done what they’re supposed to

‘Cause that’s how they were taught

Do they find the place to go to

When everyone forgot?

Do they only know they feel

By the attention people pay?

Because they become unreal

When people look away

Can they know they hate something?

And love it all the same

And wonder how they’re feeling

So many different ways?

Most of all I want to know

If they’re lost and can’t go home

Everywhere where they look or go

No matter what they are alone.

Something Dangerous

I wanted you silenced

I’ve done my penance

Your anger and rage

Would not clutter my page

I left you in darkness

Sign of my weakness

A perfection to harness

And not a complete mess

‘Til no passion burned

And all my dreams turned

Into orderly chaos

And blind ripoffs

But I am no angel

I crave my danger

Without it my peace

Is a lie in belief

Now I beg you to drink with me

From this cup I failed to see

The taste of iron on my lips

Remind me of the strength I missed

The world will always turn from us

So find me something dangerous

Bear

I wish I was a bear

Wrapped and warm in fur

Hidden away from winter wear

In sleep I would confer

I find that I am bare

Naked without my faith

Exposed and retreating where

Sleep becomes a wraith

I wish I had a bear

Stuffed full of love and hope

With button eyes so fair

Stable against this tightrope

I have all these wishes

And the warmth of friends that care

Full of love their dishes

My heart beats as the bear

This

This is the point where failure happens

This is the moment I stop

Perhaps it’s fear that makes me stumble

Perhaps it’s lazy thoughts 

This is the point I think I’ve lost it

The moment I’m out of magic

As if you can run out of thin air

The lies we whisper are tragic

So this is the moment I write anyway

Even when this might fail

For the moments that make us are truly small

And this is a tale to tell 

Kintsugi

Kintsugi
She held her pieces in her hands

The way that only broken can

Looking up with pleading eyes

“Help me make it through the night”

When the last one broke her tether

She put herself back together

Looking in with beauty bold

She painted in the cracks with gold

Learning not to be afraid

Understanding what life has made

She holds herself in her hands

And no one needs to understand

Random Musings: Who Wouldn’t Want Me

Who wouldn’t want me

But I’m not a cup of tea

Something like honey

 

I want to say he missed out. I want to say how can you not want a girl that would crawl across the floor and suck your cock like she was praying to a god?

Eh…it probably wasn’t that good. It’s been a while. I need to find someone to practice on.

But people click or they don’t. I’ve never been one to console myself with “wow did you miss out”. How can you miss out on something you didn’t want to begin with? It takes a minute to get the soap out of your hair when it burns your eyes though.